Expectation Management
Why It Is The Quickest Way To Live A Better Life
Today 5-7 hours of phone screen time is the norm. Sure, because life is happening there. To be more specific, a certain packaged version of our lives. Social media accounts are like trophy rooms, showing highlights of our lives and sweeping everything else under the rug. Previously, there were only TV and cinema containing marketing messages in the form of creative content and ads. Now, we are much more sophisticated. Our digital avatars are the ads themselves. Tailored to attract new customers, friends, dating options and build our social status. This plants scenarios, images and possibilities in our minds, thus creating expectations for the world to be a certain way. This works on a sensorial level, and most rarely question the validity of these expectations. When we switch back to reality these expectations are rarely met, which ends up in misery. Can we get out of this cycle? There is a way, if you ask me. And I am going to share it with you. But first…
Titanic is a brilliant movie. Watching it turns even the biggest nihilist towards feeling some sympathy for romantic love. But have you ever thought why that is? This pure image of the ideal love story survived only because the guy died in the end. Way before Rose realised that Jack has some serious gambling and French hooker addictions. I will be honest, I love this movie. It brings warm and cosy feelings to my heart. But that does not mean I expect reality to be this way.
Walter Isaacson wrote a phenomenal biography of Steve Jobs. Later followed several movies by Joshua Michael Stern and Danny Boyle. What a professional life. Revolutionising several industries and paving the way for future technological landscape. His life story was presented in a highly appealing manner, inspiring those who dream of skyrocketing their careers to the moon. Just like Steve’s. Anything less is conformism and a waste of potential. However, this attitude made more people devastated than fulfilled with their careers.
Now we expect everything from all areas of our lives. Vacations should be phenomenal life-changing spiritual experiences, dates should be no less than Titanic vibes, and careers have to be Steve Jobs alike. We were promised that. If these expectations are not met in reality, life looks like a miserable torture. But back in the Middle Ages life was an actual torture. Somehow a bunch of people found a way to experience beautiful moments and do great things anyway. There was no marketing back then, no cinema and no constant sensory bombardment of a perfect life towards their psyches. They expected nothing.
But we live in a postmodern capitalistic world. Marketing, social media, and advertising are here to stay. That is why it is so important to rise above this and become more conscious if we want to live better and more balanced lives. The secret is called expectation management. I first heard this term a few weeks ago. Funny enough, from a story on Instagram. Managing expectations does not mean lowering your standards. It is simply reducing entitlement for the reality to be a certain way and realising that these expectations do not come from credible sources anyway. They are visions created by marketers to buy products and services. Who told you that your vacation trip is going to be great? Travelling is an adventure, and adventures are full of dangers, as well as possibilities and unexpected discoveries. Expect nothing, and be prepared for everything. For a date to be Titanic-like, you have to be a miserable trophy wife on a cruise ship and meet Leonardo in some casual suicide mission setting. And do not dismiss him because his love language is slightly different and he is not into your favourite blueberry matcha. Tough, I know. But leaving some unrealistic expectations on the table might be a good idea.
How can you know what is real and might be likely to happen and what is a construct of some artistic or marketing endeavour? Only by experience. This is why young people often have high expectations, while older folks realise that things tend to be slightly different off the screen. Expectations are born from perfectly crafted stories filled with subliminal messages. Living life with managed expectations, embracing reality, and focusing on actions over dreams can significantly improve mental well-being.
This doesn't mean we must abandon our dreams. However, it is not the act of dreaming that brings results, but the actions we take. By letting go of expectations, we can take meaningful steps towards our goals without being fixated on the outcome. This allows you to let go of the outcome and perform more effectively. It also makes you significantly more grateful for the good that happens. Because it shouldn’t necessarily be this way. And that is ok.
Great piece 🌿
Yes. It's definitely harmful to be biased and have unrealistic expectations. They stand as obstacles in our way, preventing us from achieving our true potential.