Happiness Is Overrated
There Is Something More Valuable And You Can Have It
We live in a culture, where happiness is portrayed as the end goal of life. The pursuit of it seems like a Sisyphean endeavour that everybody finds themselves exercising with all of their human effort. Every goal we take is supposed to make us happy and the younger you are, the more you will frame happiness as an answer to the perpetual question of “What is the meaning of life?” What If I tell you that it is a rather childish take on the world? Hold on, I am not saying that it is not important. But to aspire to be happy is like being a drug addict thinking that another dose of “it” will bring the desired salvation. I am writing this one to challenge the notion of happiness as an answer to life and explore what is much more meaningful and leading to way deeper level of fulfilment. Ready? Let’s go! But first…
Our ancestors did not put happiness on a pedestal. Nor it was a core value of the previous societies. I am convinced that if they see what values we live by today, they would be really confused about what our Western culture finds themselves at. Do you think that your grand-grandfather was less happy than you? I do not know, but I am sure he was thinking less about happiness than you do. We are fancy. We think that our generation has figured it all out. We have therapy, self-help books, and even medication if needed. We talk about feelings a lot. We express feelings publicly because now it seems “the norm” in this age of emotions. Yet, so many people are more and more lonely, depressed, and confused about life. Do you think your ancestors felt that? I don’t think that they had time for depression and contemplation of the lack of happiness. They were all busy staying alive. But hold on. What am I actually talking about here?
What I am definitely NOT talking about is hedonism. Which is basically the code name for our contemporary cultural values. Most people, when they say they want to be happy, mean that they want pleasure to experience or pain to go away. They want to have fun and waste themselves, eat a pizza and a bucket of ice cream alone on the sofa, finally have their cheat day, experience as much casual sex as possible, masturbate their brains out, get some Netflix going, scroll like there is no tomorrow, you name it. That is the definition of happiness for most. Just to feel empty and depleted after it. Just to get back to the grind and seek “happiness” again. Both hedonism and numbing yourself to forget pain are very far from the deep fulfilment our hearts so desperately seek.
But happiness exists. And it definitely does feel good. No doubt about it, we should be grateful when it comes. However, it is very much like a cat. It comes and goes, whenever it wants to. We may seek it, but we never know when it will show up. Nor do we know when it will leave us. One thing is for sure, there will be some bad days, h some average days and some ecstatic days in our lives. And life does not care if we want it or not. Life delivers.
But there is one thing that makes a difference above all else. It is called meaning. Once you know why are you doing something, it makes sense to have bad days trying to get there. It makes sense to feel pain and suffering when you know where you are going. Even if you don’t yet, you can be excited and ready to explore where it will take you. And I do not frame the word meaning to mean goals. Goals come and go, they may change with time and experience. The meaning is a feeling. It is like being in a concentration camp and finding a reason not today. It is being disabled and still finding a life worth living. It is losing everything and having a reason to go on. Or failing again and again and still finding the reason to try. It is having children to feed and be an example to. It is having your work as your child to be accountable to. It is enjoying the process. It is going for it when nobody is watching you. It is waking up in the morning and feeling excited to hit it. Like there is you and the God, Universe, some form of power that is guiding you through all of this. The meaning might be different at certain stages of life, it can change with time but it is always a crucial element to life. It does not have to be grand and epic, nor other people should know what it is. It just has to be present.
So forget happiness.
Go find meaning.
Happiness is a state of being, there is no need for searching! 🙏😊
For me happiness isn’t a feeling, it’s the state where you can accept and see through any feelings meaning. Great post :)