Your Dreams Are A Prison

Why We Trap Ourselves By Creating Goals For Our Life

Trapped by the goals. Open source image from Freepik.

Let me introduce you to the most bullsh*t and confusing quote ever.

If you want to live a happy life tie it to a goal, not to people or things.

Do you know who said it? Albert Einstein. This is basically a mantra in contemporary hustle culture. Social media is screaming about self-development, finding your passion, work before the relationships. You are pushed hard to dream big and make it happen. Nobody asks if you want it, but it is suggested that it is the only thing that gives life its meaning. And if you don’t have goals – you are a failure. If your goals are too small – you are a failure as well. If you fail to reach your goals – you are a failure. And if after a life of hustling and sacrificing yourself, health, freedom, family, friends, and relationships, you finally succeed in your big bold goal and realize that it was a wrong goal – you are the ultimate failure. Read that again. The ultimate failure. Thank you, society. But goals and dreams are a prison. Am I saying that you should not have them? You might think that I have just ruined the last hope of having something meaningful in life. But there is a better, healthier and more rewarding perspective on it. And I will tell you what it is in a minute.

What If I tell you that most of your so-called dreams are not yours actually? Especially when you are very young. There is a huge probability that they were implanted in your mind by your parents, school system, social media and society in general. And then you create goals based on these dreams. They are probably very socially accepted and celebrated. It feels cool to say that you are going after it. I am talking about becoming a millionaire under 30, travelling around the world, buying a supercar or becoming a famous Holywood actor. You are promised unconditional love and prosperity when you reach it. And all your sins will be washed away and you will live happily ever after. Ultimate salvation. Not. There are plenty of people who got these things and ended up miserably. Because these dreams were not their dreams, to begin with. They wanted different things but did not realise this and did not know how to get it. So they adopted these fake visions and promises from society.

Corridor full of doors from the movie Matrix: Reloaded.

Another problem with dreams – they are putting you in a box. Small chances are, that you will feel great about living in that box, because what else to do with your life anyway. But big chances are that you won’t. There is this great visual of a young person’s life. It is like walking a corridor full of doors. On each door, there is a board with a dream written. You may choose a door with a desired name and open it. In the room, you will find a life that you chose. You may not know if you would like it there or how long will you stay. But it is impossible to be in several rooms at the same time. And if you want to get to another one, you should leave the one you are in. And there are some rooms that once you get there, you can never leave. This is how dreams limit you.

What to do instead? Have no dreams? Yes. Have curiosity, passion, obsession instead and most importantly - an open mind. Listen to your gut. If you are really obsessed with becoming a celebrity, by all means, go for it. But do not expect that that would be the answer to life. Nor that it will bring you fulfilment. But if you naturally feel that you are an anomaly in extroversion and have a burning desire to share yourself with the world, go for it. Some people are called to do things. These are the people who were attracted to entrepreneurship while living in the Soviet Union. Or wanted to become an actor while being born in a small village in Austria. Or want to travel the world in the 1930s. They wanted things that were not considered cool in their current zeitgeist and social environment. Often these things might be considered awkward or even outlawed in some places. But if there is a gut telling you that you should go for it, when it is not socially acceptable, it is a good sign. Big chances this thing is yours.

On The Way To Meet The Wave. Open source image from Freepik.

Living is a lot like surfing. You can be the best in the world, but if the wave is not there, there is no performance. Opportunities come and go, you can choose to go with what feels right at the moment or wait it out. You can push hard and nothing will happen or you might feel the instinct to go after something and strike when the iron is hot. While you are not mechanically tied to a robotic hustle towards a rigid goal, you are free to get in tune with the context and find your own flow. Change direction when you have to.

That’s my take on this. I still do have my work and passions but I no longer push myself mechanically to some esoteric dream or static goal. I have a direction instead. I work in tune with my instincts and I owe no one any promises. If it feels like changing the course, do it. If I see a wave coming, I do my surf. I listen. And I allow myself to be possessed by the process.