The Double-Edged Sword Of Self-Development

How We Shoot Ourselves In A Foot By Becoming Better And How To Avoid It

Acceptance Of The Double-Edged Reality Of This World. Image by Freepik.com

Everyone wants to level up. Not just performers. The ones that are at the bottom, also want to rise. It is in our nature. This is why self-development is such a big industry. People are obsessed with motivational videos, podcasts and, well… newsletters like this. We are constantly looking for ways to have better relationships, earn more, look better, be more mindful, be virtuous, the list goes on. We tend to think that life is smooth sailing when we will get to that next level. Of course, the better we get, the better our friends, spouse, dating options, and colleagues will be. Up up up. What can go wrong? Ironically, there is a hidden pitfall that becomes more apparent when we get to that next level. The reality of progress is that people start to feel insecure around us. Even envy and despise your gut. This might come as a shocker if you expect that your progress will all be a lovey-dovey cream pie journey. Advancement affects all parts of our lives and it can be truly nerve-wracking to find yourself in this new and shockingly hostile landscape. Does that mean you should not self-develop? How does moving forward affect your life and how to navigate it? How can you make sure you will be able to find meaningful relationships with people while working on yourself? Let me share with you my experience. But first…

Let’s say you become rich. More rich than before. Worked hard on the business and finally arrived at a decent spot where you can cash in. Buying a new motorcycle, travelling the world, and moving into a bigger home is now all possible. Everybody should be proud, you finally made it! But…Somehow, your siblings start to avoid you. Where are all the congratulations from close friends? Arent they happy with my upward life trajectory? Welcome to the world my dear. People envy each other. The wise ones find a way to deal with it and overcome this handicap. Others start to feel awkward next to you. They just can’t help themselves. Might even disappear entirely. Instead, some new folks emerge. They are full of lofty offers and investment ideas for your capital. But your gut tells you they cannot be trusted.

Another scenario. You joined the gym and trained religiously for several years. Became jacked as fuck. Took a skincare routine and got yourself some tight clothing. Your biceps are now popping out of your t-shirt. That six-pack became goddamn tight. You are an animal. Looking all smooth and bringing your A-game to the looks department. But…Where is everybody? Your friends who are still hanging out at home and regularly test their soft furniture somehow are not that enthusiastic about meeting you. A spark of envy mixed with guilt is apparent on their faces when you talk about your gym experience. Oh well, at least more attention from girls is guaranteed. Or so you think. Somehow most girls suddenly start finding you intimidating and narcissistic. You only care about yourself. I don’t like handsome men. And so on. Wait a minute, I did not sign up for this! Where did I get myself into?

Addictions. You were a party person your whole youth. Going out for drinks was your love language. One day you said Enough. Now sobriety and eating healthy is the name of your new life chapter. Turns out it is full of unexpected solitude. Surprisingly, not that many people are up for fresh and nutritious meals on a dinner evening. No drinks? Are you sure? Well, we will be going then. Oh well. Wait, no congratulations on my new healthy habits? Nobody is signing up for my water-only clubbing nightouts or no-smoking-talking-only breaks at the office? Hey, anyone up for some juice house party? Hello? Welcome to the world, my friend. The higher you climb, the less crowded there is.

Wisdom is the final frontier. You thought that becoming more knowledgeable and mindful would result in better relationships and obviously would easily attract the best partner ever. A wise man, they say. Ok, I can do this. Spending time reading books and sharpening the mind, meditating, and broadening horizons was a hell of a journey. And after a while, Hello new me. Wait, what..? Somehow the people on dates became shallow and highly uninspiring. Simply no one is aware of themselves anymore. Living on autopilot, denying their true desires, ignoring the inner workings of their shadow-self, dreaming and refusing to wake up. Well, it takes a wise man to find another wise man. Or a woman. And the dating pool for wise people is, well… small.

You are starting to get the picture. By becoming better in any area, you arrive in a new territory. Some parts of your old life have to be buried. Some people as well. Not literally, don’t hurt anyone. They simply won’t go to that level with you and it will become increasingly frictional to remain in a relationship with them. That is the price for progress. Be prepared for the sacrifice. Hello, Solitude! Yes, this is your new BFF. At least until new people will appear. Do not expect it to happen instantly. It will take some time. And effort.

The climactic dichotomy of it all. Your wisdom, status, fame, looks and money will intimidate a lot of people. Repel and trigger some of them. Does that mean you should not level up? Of course not. Evolve as much as you can, and reach your full potential. But accept that it won’t be followed by applause and prepare to swallow some harsh truth pills on the way. Nobody cares how mindful, attractive and sophisticated you are. They care about how they feel around you.

While rocking hard in your self-development journey, learn to focus outside of yourself. Pay attention to your surroundings. Empathize with others more. If you want to keep people around you, learn how to make them feel safe and secure. Show that you care, build them up and share your wisdom. Some will like it, others won’t. Let it be. This is a natural course of life. However, there's another option on the table: you can choose to remain as you are. But if you're still here, you already know the answer to this. Accept it, embrace the journey, stay true to yourself, and trust that your path is the one meant for you.