One thing I've been reflecting on lately is how bad all my healthy habits are for conversation.
When I see old friends, what news do I have to share with them? The amount of time I spend each day meditating and exercising? The insights about myself I gained from the latest self-help book I read?
I'm fully committed to self-development, but the big message the universe is sending me lately is: serve others as well. Connect with others. Be a good friend and a support. If my wellness routine is getting in the way of that, it's probably not making me truly well.
Malcolm, great addition for this text. Exactly. The best way to experience the good side of self-development is to use it as a tool to live better life, not a destination of life instead.
Speaking as a man nearing codger-hood, the first half of life is all about what you so succinctly wrote about. Then the last half, the half where you know you’re gonna die someday hits you like a ton of bricks, you get to unlearning all that stuff that got in your way and you start paying attention to the small things in life after realizing most of what you did previously has little bearing. But hey that’s just me in the second half of life.
Dear, thank you for reading and sharing your experience. I would love to hear more about the things you had to unlearn and the new things you learned and still learning in the second half of your life.
Well, it is a long story, but the gist is you unlearn in the 2nd half all that we have learned from the 1st half related to the ego. We create a container, that is the small self, the small I the Buddhist like to call it. That is the self/ego that relies on titles, accolades, money, cars, prestige, fame, anything and everything that is outside ourselves. This is not a criticism, it is an inherent part of being human. I can only speak to American culture but each culture has their own ways of going about it.
By the way, the 2nd half of life doesn’t mean a halfway point, but for some reason for me it started happening in my 40s. But it can happen at anytime. It is more or less an alarm clock moment, be it a sudden death of a loved one, a serious health diagnosis, a divorce, loss of a job, something majorly life altering. No matter what it is a wake up call to life, and if you do choose to wake up, there is a lot of pain and suffering involved. I like the image of a blacksmith forging metal, hot and molten into something beautiful. We are forged through the pain and suffering to change into something else after letting go of all that stuff that we put in our container, that is the small I. It now becomes about an interior life and a connection to the larger I and something much more than ego.
Once we heed the call to awaken and go through it, we will never be the same. And that is when you realize life is finite and time to get busy doing the things you really want to do that is true to the interior self that is not connected to ego, but to so much more.
Well that’s it in more than a nutshell. I purposely left out my own details on account of it being, well, personal.
Dear, thank you for sharing your story. I do relate to what you wrote a lot. There is for sure a fatal change in everyones life. A change that turns it upside down. Agree that it is not age related and connected to the realisation of the fact that we are going to die. This forces us to do the meaningful stuff until we still can. Follow our passion, start a family, sell everything and travel the world, it can be anything that holds meaning and importance in our lives. I often see people living their lives like they are immortal. Like they can just postpone unwanted feelings and decisions to deal with them later. There is no later. Now or never. Life is happening now. Cheers and greetings from Vilnius ☕
Such a cool read Tomas! I felt like I was on a quest the whole way through. Somehow I felt that you already knew me. Thats power my friend. Thanks for that experience!
The wise ones find a way to deal with it and overcome this handicap.<--- What is the one who didn't envy but congratulate you n is genuinely happy for you plus always rooting for you called? 🤔
I would presume it is more than a wiser, an awakened or enlightened being! 😇
Thank you for reading, Darcy. I was choosing between "So be it" and "Let it be". Decided that the latter will have more cultural connotation and deliver some references for readers.
Ahmedh, glad that you found it interesting. I am sure that it is not a new theme, but honestly no specific books pop into the mind. I wrote about my current lived personal experience, however I am convinced that there are more similar stories like this out there as well as complementing books.
I can't think of any books that are specifically on this topic — maybe you should write one, Tomas :) — but if you want some thoughts on how to balance productivity and self-development with self-care and space for connection with others, I always enjoy Oliver Burkeman's perspective. His book "Four Thousand Weeks" is a great read.
Wow. Such profound insights in this post.
One thing I've been reflecting on lately is how bad all my healthy habits are for conversation.
When I see old friends, what news do I have to share with them? The amount of time I spend each day meditating and exercising? The insights about myself I gained from the latest self-help book I read?
I'm fully committed to self-development, but the big message the universe is sending me lately is: serve others as well. Connect with others. Be a good friend and a support. If my wellness routine is getting in the way of that, it's probably not making me truly well.
Malcolm, great addition for this text. Exactly. The best way to experience the good side of self-development is to use it as a tool to live better life, not a destination of life instead.
This was an absolute brilliant read and so spot on! Totally agree with you! 👏
Hege, thank you very much, I am glad you enjoyed it!
The deep dark secret is you are who you are. Simply start accepting that and it all begins to change.
Thank you for reading and sharing your insight.
Nice name for your substack also cool artwork !!
Thank you, Captain!
Speaking as a man nearing codger-hood, the first half of life is all about what you so succinctly wrote about. Then the last half, the half where you know you’re gonna die someday hits you like a ton of bricks, you get to unlearning all that stuff that got in your way and you start paying attention to the small things in life after realizing most of what you did previously has little bearing. But hey that’s just me in the second half of life.
Dear, thank you for reading and sharing your experience. I would love to hear more about the things you had to unlearn and the new things you learned and still learning in the second half of your life.
Hi Tomas,
Thank you for your reply.
Well, it is a long story, but the gist is you unlearn in the 2nd half all that we have learned from the 1st half related to the ego. We create a container, that is the small self, the small I the Buddhist like to call it. That is the self/ego that relies on titles, accolades, money, cars, prestige, fame, anything and everything that is outside ourselves. This is not a criticism, it is an inherent part of being human. I can only speak to American culture but each culture has their own ways of going about it.
By the way, the 2nd half of life doesn’t mean a halfway point, but for some reason for me it started happening in my 40s. But it can happen at anytime. It is more or less an alarm clock moment, be it a sudden death of a loved one, a serious health diagnosis, a divorce, loss of a job, something majorly life altering. No matter what it is a wake up call to life, and if you do choose to wake up, there is a lot of pain and suffering involved. I like the image of a blacksmith forging metal, hot and molten into something beautiful. We are forged through the pain and suffering to change into something else after letting go of all that stuff that we put in our container, that is the small I. It now becomes about an interior life and a connection to the larger I and something much more than ego.
Once we heed the call to awaken and go through it, we will never be the same. And that is when you realize life is finite and time to get busy doing the things you really want to do that is true to the interior self that is not connected to ego, but to so much more.
Well that’s it in more than a nutshell. I purposely left out my own details on account of it being, well, personal.
Dear, thank you for sharing your story. I do relate to what you wrote a lot. There is for sure a fatal change in everyones life. A change that turns it upside down. Agree that it is not age related and connected to the realisation of the fact that we are going to die. This forces us to do the meaningful stuff until we still can. Follow our passion, start a family, sell everything and travel the world, it can be anything that holds meaning and importance in our lives. I often see people living their lives like they are immortal. Like they can just postpone unwanted feelings and decisions to deal with them later. There is no later. Now or never. Life is happening now. Cheers and greetings from Vilnius ☕
So much truth Tomas, great post! You nailed it✍️
Thank you Enrique! Glad that it hit the spot for you.
Such a cool read Tomas! I felt like I was on a quest the whole way through. Somehow I felt that you already knew me. Thats power my friend. Thanks for that experience!
Nick, thank you for reading. I am glad you found it relatable and interesting. Cheers and greetings from Vilnius! ☕
The wise ones find a way to deal with it and overcome this handicap.<--- What is the one who didn't envy but congratulate you n is genuinely happy for you plus always rooting for you called? 🤔
I would presume it is more than a wiser, an awakened or enlightened being! 😇
Thank you n you are welcome! 🙏😁
Janet, you are delivering some great jokes here :D Glad that you took a time to read all the way through.
I'm glad it made you smile! 🙏😊
This is very inspiring and you used one of my favourite quotes. Let it be.
Thank you for reading, Darcy. I was choosing between "So be it" and "Let it be". Decided that the latter will have more cultural connotation and deliver some references for readers.
Loved the read Tomas. Id love to deep dive into this little sphere. Any recommended reads that talk about this sort of thing?
Ahmedh, glad that you found it interesting. I am sure that it is not a new theme, but honestly no specific books pop into the mind. I wrote about my current lived personal experience, however I am convinced that there are more similar stories like this out there as well as complementing books.
I can't think of any books that are specifically on this topic — maybe you should write one, Tomas :) — but if you want some thoughts on how to balance productivity and self-development with self-care and space for connection with others, I always enjoy Oliver Burkeman's perspective. His book "Four Thousand Weeks" is a great read.
Malcolm,that is a great idea for the book. And thank you for the recommendation, this looks like a very enriching thing to read.