The Power Of Hard Conversations

Why, When And How?

We like to play it safe. Making too many waves might rock the boat. Maybe even sink the whole ship. So we relax to the soothing comfort of small talk and mundane conversations to keep everything under control. Or so we think. What if this stagnation is detrimental to our relationships?

An Elephant In The Room. Image by Freepik.

There is an elephant in the room. Big grey mass that covers the entire view. While you tiptoe around and pretend it’s not there, it’s hornet pokes you on the shoulder. A massive grey ear slides through the hair. Then a knee firmly touches the back. It’s here. Right at you.

To grow, being uncomfortable and under pressure is a must. However, we constantly seek safety and frictionless comfort, perceiving the rest as a threat to our survival. All mind games it is. In reality, only a small portion of things that happen to us are an actual threat to survival. Most of it threatens our cushy vanilla lifestyle only. Uncomfortable conversations most likely won’t kill you. But with whom should we have them? And how can we experience growth by doing so? I will tell you in a minute. But first...

Family. This a big one and the real deal. We all know that family is the most important thing, never disappoint your family and so on. But have you ever asked yourself this. Does the family contribute to your goals and who you want to become? If yes, then great. If you feel that they are holding you back, you need to talk about it. The best time is now. What if it already happened and the answer is no? Then you have to move on.

Friends come and go. Some stay. Most people call friends everybody they do business with. Others say these are their hangout buddies. For some, it’s rare soulmates. And for very few people, friends are the ones who can help them grow and expand. This is not a mentor status unlocked, but more like an exchange and support towards the very important goal – the journey of becoming a better you.

Romantic partner. This is the tough one. We fear losing this person the most. It is also very closely tied to our daily lives. These are the exact reasons why we should go for these conversations. They say that choosing a partner is the most important decision of your life. And I believe it is. But there are many everyday decisions about speaking up or keeping stuff to yourself. And these tend to stack up.

All of these people are very important in our lives. Some we fear to lose more than the others. But relationships are journeys and every interaction is a possibility to excel. The higher the risk - the better the reward. Most likely stuff will blow out anyway. You just might be able to pick when, how and if you lead the interaction.

When you go for the uncomfortable talk, do not expect anything, but be prepared for everything. Make it a safe environment for people to open up. Talk with them about what is important to you. What problems you are solving personally or with them, what challenges are you going through? When you hear them speak, don’t be defensive about it. When the reality appears to you, accept it. Keep your boundaries. Ask for their opinion, or a piece of advice if needed.

Will You Dare? Image by Freepik.

Going for these conversations will be highly turbulent at first, but life gets increasingly smooth after you find out the truth. Open up and take that risk. Don’t be afraid to lose a relationship. If someone cannot understand you, is defensive or attacking, they are not a good fit with your ways of living anyway. You do not have to abandon these people entirely but know that the truth was spoken. Draw your own conclusions and adjust accordingly. However, if it will work out, prepare to be surprised by newly opened perspectives, fresh possibilities and inspirations. All the new horizons might open. Will you dare?