Great post Tomas. Difficult conversations can be hurtful momentarily but it can set you free from emotional confinements. Sometimes the other person will understand if you speak out. Carrying the burden in your heart will only cause greater anxiety.
Sanuj, thank you for reading and expressing your insights. True, it is all about the longer perspective and zooming out. Like with a lot of other things, the price for benefits in the long run is being uncomfortable in the short term. However, it does not sound very attractive for a lot of people. But when you rewire your brain to see pain and discomfort as exciting, the game changes radically. At the moment I am preparing a newsletter about this. Coming soon.
Uncomfortable conversations are hard to take, it reveals the things you don't want to hear. It threatens any familiarity you have known. But beneath it lies the things that can take you forward; things that can make you authentic and lively
Edwin, that is true. For a relationship to build up to the deeper level, there should be some uncomfortable genuine moments experienced together. This becomes a more real and honest foundation to continue.
Madeline, thank you for reading! True. Peace works until there is a balance in the relationship. Sometimes we have to make a stand and give our input to maintain that balance. What is the worth of life, lived solely on the terms of others? I do believe that a healthy and alive relationship is a constant negotiation of boundaries.
I believe the most important decision one can make is to not sacrifice their belives and stay true to themselves .. in all relationships but especially in romantic situations.
That is the problem of not rocking the boat.. co- dependency...
An, thank you for your insight. I agree. At the same time, we always have to negotiate with people. I do not want them to sacrifice themselves for me and later realise that they have made a mistake as well. When I become more self-aware of who I am and what I want I start to expect it from other people. Maybe I should not have any expectations at all, but I believe that self-awarness from both ends will greatly contribute to the quality of our relationship.
True! There is a fine line between love and control/ subjugation. Compromises have to be made and should be somewhat balanced, work for both.
We need to remember we can always step away. Not all are compatible.
This expectations thing is a real bummer!! LOL
Certain things come with certain unspoken rules like: friends don't betray each other, yet it happens. Then we need to discern if the behavior is a deal breaker for us or not.
How bad was it? Does the person keep doing it even though we asked fhem to stop and so forth.
Nobody is perfect, everybody will hurt us sooner or later, we just need to find those that are worth the pain.
An, so very wail said! "we just need to find those that are worth the pain."
I do believe this is the definition of true love. We are very much ok to have positive emotions with everybody, but being real and having the full package goes only with the chosen ones.
I worked in an environment where hard questions were never asked. It ended up the business closing down. Never look at these types of conversations as a personal attack.
Richard, thank you for sharing. True, avoiding things does not make them disappear. The courage to go straight into the eye of the hurricane can do miracles.
Great post Tomas. Difficult conversations can be hurtful momentarily but it can set you free from emotional confinements. Sometimes the other person will understand if you speak out. Carrying the burden in your heart will only cause greater anxiety.
Sanuj, thank you for reading and expressing your insights. True, it is all about the longer perspective and zooming out. Like with a lot of other things, the price for benefits in the long run is being uncomfortable in the short term. However, it does not sound very attractive for a lot of people. But when you rewire your brain to see pain and discomfort as exciting, the game changes radically. At the moment I am preparing a newsletter about this. Coming soon.
Uncomfortable conversations are hard to take, it reveals the things you don't want to hear. It threatens any familiarity you have known. But beneath it lies the things that can take you forward; things that can make you authentic and lively
Edwin, that is true. For a relationship to build up to the deeper level, there should be some uncomfortable genuine moments experienced together. This becomes a more real and honest foundation to continue.
I heard a pastor say something along the lines of being a Peacemaker, not a Peacekeeper.
By always keeping the peace and pushing things under the rug, we are delaying the inevitable, usually making it worse.
By going out of your way to make peace, you are addressing the problem, creating a space where communication is important, and you're growing!
As always, I absolutely love to read your publications, Tomas.
Madeline, thank you for reading! True. Peace works until there is a balance in the relationship. Sometimes we have to make a stand and give our input to maintain that balance. What is the worth of life, lived solely on the terms of others? I do believe that a healthy and alive relationship is a constant negotiation of boundaries.
Thank you!
I believe the most important decision one can make is to not sacrifice their belives and stay true to themselves .. in all relationships but especially in romantic situations.
That is the problem of not rocking the boat.. co- dependency...
An, thank you for your insight. I agree. At the same time, we always have to negotiate with people. I do not want them to sacrifice themselves for me and later realise that they have made a mistake as well. When I become more self-aware of who I am and what I want I start to expect it from other people. Maybe I should not have any expectations at all, but I believe that self-awarness from both ends will greatly contribute to the quality of our relationship.
True! There is a fine line between love and control/ subjugation. Compromises have to be made and should be somewhat balanced, work for both.
We need to remember we can always step away. Not all are compatible.
This expectations thing is a real bummer!! LOL
Certain things come with certain unspoken rules like: friends don't betray each other, yet it happens. Then we need to discern if the behavior is a deal breaker for us or not.
How bad was it? Does the person keep doing it even though we asked fhem to stop and so forth.
Nobody is perfect, everybody will hurt us sooner or later, we just need to find those that are worth the pain.
An, so very wail said! "we just need to find those that are worth the pain."
I do believe this is the definition of true love. We are very much ok to have positive emotions with everybody, but being real and having the full package goes only with the chosen ones.
Agreed! :)
I actually stole that line, Bob Marley said it first!! Heehee
There really isn't much we can say or do, that hasn't been said before.. is there??!!
Great line! In a way yes, but we might say a lot of profound truths in our own way. There is a great book called Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon.
True! And wisdom needs to be passed on.
I will check that out! I seem to "steal" and plagiarise a lot!! LOL
Thanks!!!
Cheers! ☕️
I worked in an environment where hard questions were never asked. It ended up the business closing down. Never look at these types of conversations as a personal attack.
Richard, thank you for sharing. True, avoiding things does not make them disappear. The courage to go straight into the eye of the hurricane can do miracles.