"Social, material, emotional, and spiritual exchanges form the bedrock of meaningful relationships" It must be multidimensional ; not singular and I agree with it.
Although you acknowledge the importance of kindness, I notice some conceptual confusion in your argument. I appreciate your willingness to offer new perspectives, but our everyday lives are more nuanced. Ultimately, kindness is a winner.
Our perspective on kindness vs. performance creates an inaccurate distinction that ignores their interconnectedness. Kindliness and performance are not mutually exclusive. A kind and respectful environment reduces stress, increases job satisfaction, and boosts overall productivity.
Everyone performs better when they feel valued and supported, and if this is not the case, there are options to reconsider, as this is a basic need and we should not have to become accustomed to unkind environments. We spend the majority of our lives at work, so this is a major red flag that should not be ignored.
Feelings are not trends; they are an integral part of the human experience. I understand your point that everyone is talking about feelings these days, and perhaps we are taking ourselves too seriously, but overall, this is a positive development; it's the first time in history that we can truly discuss our feelings openly.
Eventually, suppressed and denied feelings will emerge, reclaiming their power and undergoing integration. While performance and value are important, kindness enhances them. Kindness nurtures innovation and success, for sure.To argue that kindness is secondary to performance is to misinterpret their relationship. I hope you take this comment kindly, because it's coming from a place of debate.
Katerina, thank you for reading and leaving a thoughtful comment. I appreciate your take on the points that I made. Let's get through them.
As I have stated in the text, I am believe that kindness is an integral part of the whole. The fact is that it is being talked about on every corner these days. And mostly in the context of people who felt mistreated by someone who were not kind to them. Sometimes the reason for this mistreatment is the lack of performance on their side. Which then is a lesson for them to learn. You cannot expect to not deliver and wish that people will be kind to you in response.
I have never stated that feelings are trends. However, that is the main subject that has been spoken about nowadays. Which is good, because they are important, however it might be very confusing for young people if we do not discuss the crucial importance of function and delivery. Especially confusing for young men. Nobody appreciates you for kindness only, you have to deliver to be valued. That is a lesson to be learned and this text aims exactly towards this.
Yes, talking about feelings is a positive development, but it is time for the pendulum to be switched to other part of the equation. I see a lot of people in my environment suffering for being unappreciated and undervalued and they are very kind human beings. They do not get the fact that they should perform and offer value first, and then act kind, otherwise people will trample on them and they would not get the respect and appreciation they feel they deserved.
To comment on your final paragraph, yes you should not suppress your feelings but look for healthy and thoughtful ways to release them. Preferably towards productive endeavours. Kindness definitely nurtures innovation and success. It is a vital component of developed, self-confident and balanced personality. But nobody take you seriously if you are kind only. Become valuable and strong first, then balance it with kindness. Especially if you are a man. You will have a better life this way.
Yes, I agree that in the workplace, kindness alone will not be enough; doing your job for the pay you receive is common sense. If someone feels undervalued or unappreciated, it could be due to the job itself or a lack of understanding that some jobs are transactional. Someone just starting out in their career may find this difficult, given the lack of kindness and the emphasis on performance.
You must be aligned with yourself in order to understand and accept that job as part of your life.
Your social standing should not influence the value of being human. We frequently believe that our performance defines our worth and value, but we are more than just our jobs. If we fail to be present in our most intimate relationships and provide connection, support, or value in addition to kindness, we are susceptible to unrelated issues like depression or other problems.
I understand your points. Indeed, you did not explicitly state that feelings are trends; I mistakenly assumed this was implicit. I apologize for any confusion this may have created.
Kindness is innate in us, but our values and strengths are shaped by our environment and societal benefits.
We all contribute to the world, but our worth is not based on it. We are valuable even when we are not performing, but that is another topic for discussion. Thank you for responding. I appreciate your points!
Yes, the crucial role of performance in the work setting it is a common sense for everyone. However, not so obvious elsewhere. Some people, especially nice ones, that think that they should be liked unconditionally and reject all forms of levelling themselves up because of this limited belief and really need to hear this. It will help them immensely.
The notion that 'social standing should not influence the value of being human' is true from a certain point of view, but generally it is highly idealistic. This is something that we would like the world to be, but it is not. Our value is determined by the people around us. However, you are right that we should not reduce ourselves to merely utilitarian functions, because then that is all that people see in us. To summarise this, the stats are very important, and we should make sure we deliver, but there is a level beyond that.
'We are valuable even when we are not performing.' - try not to go to the work and you will see how much you are valued without performance. In the marriage, try to value your man when he is not performing. It might be overlooked here and there, but if it will become a tendency, only the matter of time when the family will break. Children can be valued without a performance. We are adults. People count on us.
Tomas, thank you for expressing your thoughts. I appreciate your insights.
You mention that our worth is determined by others, but you also warn against reducing ourselves to utilitarian roles. These points appear to be contradictory. If others determine our worth, it's difficult not to be perceived solely in terms of performance. How can we strike a balance in this situation?
The assumption that "nice" people reject self-improvement because they expect unconditional approval is broad. People have various reasons for their actions, and acknowledging this diversity would lend nuance to your argument.
Dismissing the idea that social standing should not influence human value as "highly idealistic" risks overlooking the benefits of working for a more equitable society. Balancing idealism and pragmatism I think is what we aim for, right?
Comparing workplace performance to personal relationships can be tricky, since those roles are very different.
Arguing that only children can be valued without performance ignores the fundamental worth of all people, regardless of age. Recognizing this continuum is significant. We add value, we change, we fluctuate, as we grow mature, it is not a fixed measure.
As people who form and share opinions, we may overlook the impact of not including clear nuances. Sometimes we vent or allow our wounds to shape our writing, perhaps unconsciously. Sharing our personal experiences, which serve as a filter and mirror of our own life, is valuable, but keeping inclusiveness and empathy in mind (idealistically) encourages better understanding and dialogue, I think...
Katerina, thank you for raising a discussion here.
Yes, these points are contradictory. Just like everything in our lives, this is the way it is balanced. The value that we bring to the society is determined by others, while our self-worth is determined by us. We can strike a balance with removing the expectation that people will value us for what we believe they should. This reduces entitlement and brings more acceptance and peace within our lives.
We can improve ourselves when we accept the truth, regardless of how it makes us feel. If we are working towards a more "equitable society" the best place is to start from ourselves. Recognising that most of the things that we are fighting with lives inside of us as well is the first step in making a positive change within our environment and take personal responsibility.
These roles are different, however, this text focuses on the fundamental similarities of all relationship, specifically on the principle of value exchange.
This craving of being valued for who you are is very natural human trait. However, we should not take it for granted and make demands, because it does not help to achieve any of this. It is like making demands to be loved. Nobody cares, love works on it's own pace and laws. Instead, I would suggest to try feeling some gratitude when our true selves is being recognised. It is one of the most wonderful and beautiful things that life can offer.
Our happiness, peace and ecstatic experiences shape our writing as well as wounds and pain. Who you are always shine through no matter what you do. However, I believe that sharing personal experiences should include important lessons learned in order to be useful for both, ourselves and the readers as well. Wish you all the best in your writing journey.
An interesting topic and of course food for thought. Kindness ... is another social label isn't it? Kindness as a word is being shouted from the rooftops nowadays and yet the society as an entity is harsher, more introverted and somehow less caring. In the old times, acts of kindness were performed without the need to "write them in bold letters" metaphorically speaking. Being kind is part of being human, part of saying good morning when you meet somebody on the street and saying good bye. Is part of our fabric or at least .. it was. The fact that we need to speak about it so much tells me that ....well something is "rotten in Denmark" - a Romanian saying.
Karina, thank you for your take on this. I agree that kindness became a tool for virtue signalling. It gives me cringe when people talk about it. Most of the time it is in a context of complaining about someone being rude to them. The fact is, you can talk about it as much as you want, it does not make you more kind. When the kindness is there, you know it. And it is much more real when it is not being talked about. This Romanian saying is a fresh discovery of today, thank you for sharing. Cheers.☕
"Social, material, emotional, and spiritual exchanges form the bedrock of meaningful relationships" It must be multidimensional ; not singular and I agree with it.
Edwin, thank you for your feedback!
'...instead of sugarcoating everything and avoiding conflict.'
I agree that the above isn't an effective approach and it can lead to slacking and not taking things seriously.
Overall, it's about giving honest feedback and making tough decisions, with a combination of firmness and being tactful.
Raveen, thank you for your input on this. Tactful honesty is the way to approach things.
Although you acknowledge the importance of kindness, I notice some conceptual confusion in your argument. I appreciate your willingness to offer new perspectives, but our everyday lives are more nuanced. Ultimately, kindness is a winner.
Our perspective on kindness vs. performance creates an inaccurate distinction that ignores their interconnectedness. Kindliness and performance are not mutually exclusive. A kind and respectful environment reduces stress, increases job satisfaction, and boosts overall productivity.
Everyone performs better when they feel valued and supported, and if this is not the case, there are options to reconsider, as this is a basic need and we should not have to become accustomed to unkind environments. We spend the majority of our lives at work, so this is a major red flag that should not be ignored.
Feelings are not trends; they are an integral part of the human experience. I understand your point that everyone is talking about feelings these days, and perhaps we are taking ourselves too seriously, but overall, this is a positive development; it's the first time in history that we can truly discuss our feelings openly.
Eventually, suppressed and denied feelings will emerge, reclaiming their power and undergoing integration. While performance and value are important, kindness enhances them. Kindness nurtures innovation and success, for sure.To argue that kindness is secondary to performance is to misinterpret their relationship. I hope you take this comment kindly, because it's coming from a place of debate.
Katerina, thank you for reading and leaving a thoughtful comment. I appreciate your take on the points that I made. Let's get through them.
As I have stated in the text, I am believe that kindness is an integral part of the whole. The fact is that it is being talked about on every corner these days. And mostly in the context of people who felt mistreated by someone who were not kind to them. Sometimes the reason for this mistreatment is the lack of performance on their side. Which then is a lesson for them to learn. You cannot expect to not deliver and wish that people will be kind to you in response.
I have never stated that feelings are trends. However, that is the main subject that has been spoken about nowadays. Which is good, because they are important, however it might be very confusing for young people if we do not discuss the crucial importance of function and delivery. Especially confusing for young men. Nobody appreciates you for kindness only, you have to deliver to be valued. That is a lesson to be learned and this text aims exactly towards this.
Yes, talking about feelings is a positive development, but it is time for the pendulum to be switched to other part of the equation. I see a lot of people in my environment suffering for being unappreciated and undervalued and they are very kind human beings. They do not get the fact that they should perform and offer value first, and then act kind, otherwise people will trample on them and they would not get the respect and appreciation they feel they deserved.
To comment on your final paragraph, yes you should not suppress your feelings but look for healthy and thoughtful ways to release them. Preferably towards productive endeavours. Kindness definitely nurtures innovation and success. It is a vital component of developed, self-confident and balanced personality. But nobody take you seriously if you are kind only. Become valuable and strong first, then balance it with kindness. Especially if you are a man. You will have a better life this way.
Yes, I agree that in the workplace, kindness alone will not be enough; doing your job for the pay you receive is common sense. If someone feels undervalued or unappreciated, it could be due to the job itself or a lack of understanding that some jobs are transactional. Someone just starting out in their career may find this difficult, given the lack of kindness and the emphasis on performance.
You must be aligned with yourself in order to understand and accept that job as part of your life.
Your social standing should not influence the value of being human. We frequently believe that our performance defines our worth and value, but we are more than just our jobs. If we fail to be present in our most intimate relationships and provide connection, support, or value in addition to kindness, we are susceptible to unrelated issues like depression or other problems.
I understand your points. Indeed, you did not explicitly state that feelings are trends; I mistakenly assumed this was implicit. I apologize for any confusion this may have created.
Kindness is innate in us, but our values and strengths are shaped by our environment and societal benefits.
We all contribute to the world, but our worth is not based on it. We are valuable even when we are not performing, but that is another topic for discussion. Thank you for responding. I appreciate your points!
Katerina, thank you for expanding on your points.
Yes, the crucial role of performance in the work setting it is a common sense for everyone. However, not so obvious elsewhere. Some people, especially nice ones, that think that they should be liked unconditionally and reject all forms of levelling themselves up because of this limited belief and really need to hear this. It will help them immensely.
The notion that 'social standing should not influence the value of being human' is true from a certain point of view, but generally it is highly idealistic. This is something that we would like the world to be, but it is not. Our value is determined by the people around us. However, you are right that we should not reduce ourselves to merely utilitarian functions, because then that is all that people see in us. To summarise this, the stats are very important, and we should make sure we deliver, but there is a level beyond that.
'We are valuable even when we are not performing.' - try not to go to the work and you will see how much you are valued without performance. In the marriage, try to value your man when he is not performing. It might be overlooked here and there, but if it will become a tendency, only the matter of time when the family will break. Children can be valued without a performance. We are adults. People count on us.
Tomas, thank you for expressing your thoughts. I appreciate your insights.
You mention that our worth is determined by others, but you also warn against reducing ourselves to utilitarian roles. These points appear to be contradictory. If others determine our worth, it's difficult not to be perceived solely in terms of performance. How can we strike a balance in this situation?
The assumption that "nice" people reject self-improvement because they expect unconditional approval is broad. People have various reasons for their actions, and acknowledging this diversity would lend nuance to your argument.
Dismissing the idea that social standing should not influence human value as "highly idealistic" risks overlooking the benefits of working for a more equitable society. Balancing idealism and pragmatism I think is what we aim for, right?
Comparing workplace performance to personal relationships can be tricky, since those roles are very different.
Arguing that only children can be valued without performance ignores the fundamental worth of all people, regardless of age. Recognizing this continuum is significant. We add value, we change, we fluctuate, as we grow mature, it is not a fixed measure.
As people who form and share opinions, we may overlook the impact of not including clear nuances. Sometimes we vent or allow our wounds to shape our writing, perhaps unconsciously. Sharing our personal experiences, which serve as a filter and mirror of our own life, is valuable, but keeping inclusiveness and empathy in mind (idealistically) encourages better understanding and dialogue, I think...
Let me know if this makes sense to you!
Katerina, thank you for raising a discussion here.
Yes, these points are contradictory. Just like everything in our lives, this is the way it is balanced. The value that we bring to the society is determined by others, while our self-worth is determined by us. We can strike a balance with removing the expectation that people will value us for what we believe they should. This reduces entitlement and brings more acceptance and peace within our lives.
We can improve ourselves when we accept the truth, regardless of how it makes us feel. If we are working towards a more "equitable society" the best place is to start from ourselves. Recognising that most of the things that we are fighting with lives inside of us as well is the first step in making a positive change within our environment and take personal responsibility.
These roles are different, however, this text focuses on the fundamental similarities of all relationship, specifically on the principle of value exchange.
This craving of being valued for who you are is very natural human trait. However, we should not take it for granted and make demands, because it does not help to achieve any of this. It is like making demands to be loved. Nobody cares, love works on it's own pace and laws. Instead, I would suggest to try feeling some gratitude when our true selves is being recognised. It is one of the most wonderful and beautiful things that life can offer.
Our happiness, peace and ecstatic experiences shape our writing as well as wounds and pain. Who you are always shine through no matter what you do. However, I believe that sharing personal experiences should include important lessons learned in order to be useful for both, ourselves and the readers as well. Wish you all the best in your writing journey.
Wise words Tom,
You can be kind after You are scary,respected, able, strong, capable, bring results.
You shouldn't aim to be friend to Your woman or child - It will end badly.
First You must be what You must be - duty - reason - ruthless often - do not interpret it as violence.
You must be a Man and a Father - then after You've taken care of everything - You can smile gently and maybe joke every 6 months.
I've been witness to though love many times - From my masters ( martial arts ) to some family members.
Years after I understand, what it means, and why it is necessary.
Good piece
Dear, thank you for your addition. Agree with it all. That part with a father joke every 6 months cracked me up. Cheers.☕
An interesting topic and of course food for thought. Kindness ... is another social label isn't it? Kindness as a word is being shouted from the rooftops nowadays and yet the society as an entity is harsher, more introverted and somehow less caring. In the old times, acts of kindness were performed without the need to "write them in bold letters" metaphorically speaking. Being kind is part of being human, part of saying good morning when you meet somebody on the street and saying good bye. Is part of our fabric or at least .. it was. The fact that we need to speak about it so much tells me that ....well something is "rotten in Denmark" - a Romanian saying.
Karina, thank you for your take on this. I agree that kindness became a tool for virtue signalling. It gives me cringe when people talk about it. Most of the time it is in a context of complaining about someone being rude to them. The fact is, you can talk about it as much as you want, it does not make you more kind. When the kindness is there, you know it. And it is much more real when it is not being talked about. This Romanian saying is a fresh discovery of today, thank you for sharing. Cheers.☕